Life wants to live



My father always took children to places where trees grow, sun shine and grass is green. Any child: my sibbelings, me, children of friends and friends of children. He believed children should breathe clean air  and run around untill their faces turn redish from health and play. Once, he took me to a place where the many trees threw puffy plummy seeds over the ground covering it with little white clouds.

While my father chatted with his friend, I gathered the seeds and brought them home, where I, with no thought whatsoever about what I was doing to the seeds, packed them tight inside a glass container, closed it, and left it on the table at the bed side.

Some time later, I can’t  recall how long, my father sat at the side of my bed. It was one of the strange, magical moments I have had with him. He was not the best at consoling people, specially consoling me. He didn’t understand why I was so complicated (what I certainly was), but he gave me comfort because he was there. Always.

This time I had probably a misunderstanding at home and he simply felt he should be there for me. He didn’t know what to say, he just sitted there, at the side of my bed. He picked up the container with the seeds from the table and rolled it around in his hand, looking at it. He pointed to a seed that had sprouted inside the glass container:

“Life always want to live, even in the most bare situations.” he said.

I don’t know if we talked further or not. We didn’t have to. He had just said the sentence that I took with me my whole life.

I am affraid the sentence has left me for a while some years ago. I went to see him, now in his 80’s . He could not recognise my sister and his closest daughter and didn’t remember the name of his wife – that he loved the most. He slept the whole day and at night had nightmares, was agressive and unrecognisable.

I visited him at the hospital and remember myself  thinking it was terrible there is not eutanasia law where he lives. My father was suffering the way I thought he didn’t want to suffer. He had said so many times he had lived too long already.

But then, he got better, so much better that he went back to be himself. Last time I saw him, I saw the person that wants life no matter what.  Nowadays I have the sentence back.

(disclaimer: this is not any opinion on any law)

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